If there’s anything this world is inundated with, it’s sex tips. Every magazine, website, and the book seems parade tips on how to be the best in bed, please your partner, and blow your significant other’s mind. But with all these salacious headlines floating around, are there actual ways to know if you’re good in bed? There are hundreds of tips out there telling you how to be good in bed. But how do you know if you actually are “good.”
Although orgasm might be the obvious indicator that your romp between the sheets gets an A for effort and execution, sexual pleasure is a little more complicated than climaxing. Being “good” in bed is more than being able to give your partner an orgasm.
It’s about whether or not you listen to your partner, whether or not you really engage in the moment, and whether or not you’re communication your own wants and needs properly. It’s also important to remember that what one person considers good may be less than pleasurable for someone else. Hence why communication is so important.
So even though the following signs you’re good in bed might not be the incredibly obvious ones you’re looking for, they’re signs that will carry you through to a great sexual relationship.
1. You’re Confident
Relationship therapist Pepper Schwartz, author of The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples, told Women’s Health that if you’re confident in your sexual prowess, chances are you’re doing a pretty good job behind closed doors. “Someone who says, ‘I’m sexy any way I look,’ pretty much has you believing it,” she said.
2. You Communicate
In an interview with Fitness magazine, sex therapist Laura Berman saidyour partner needs guidance sometimes. If you’re communicating well, chances are you’re both having a better time in bed. “Men want to be your knight in shining armor when it comes to sex,” she said. “They’re eager for you to tell them what feels good.”
3. You’re Willing To Try New Things
Dr. Bea Jaffrey, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, told Marie Clairethat variety is key to having good sex. “Try new places to have sex,” he said. “Be careful though because sex is illegal in public places. Try role-playing… take a bath together. Be inventive, have fun.” Being unafraid to try a few new things with your partner is a good sign, and means you’re probably killing it between the sheets.
4. You Don’t Shame In The Bedroom
Whether it’s trying something new, hearing your partner’s fantasies, or allowing yourself to feel good about your naked body, Women’s Health noted that being open and setting your judgments aside is a good way to be incredible in bed. By leaving judgment and shame behind, you open the doors to an entirely new realm of possibility in the bedroom, and to some seriously great sex.
5. You Listen To Your Partner
According to Huffington Post, listening to your partner is key to being good in bed. And not just listening, but really hearing what your partner is saying. Just the way you’re not afraid to be vocal about what you want and need? Be sure to listen to your partners wants and needs too, and together you’ll be sure to check off all of each others boxes.
6. You Have Fun
Sex should be fun and playful. When you’re comfortable with yourself, your partner, and what’s going on, you can allow yourself to have fun and be fun in the bedroom. As sex expert Logan Levkoff told Women’s Health, “you may not remember the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had, but you’ll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn’t realize you were on the edge.”
7. You’re Present
Joy Davidson, a sex therapist in New York City and the author of Fearless Sex, told Fitness magazine how important it is to be present at the moment during sex. “Whenever you’re tuned in to your body and what it’s capable of, you’re naturally more sensual,” Davidson said. When you’re feeling yourself in a big way, without any of the trappings and stress of day to day life weighing down on you, you give yourself more license to really enjoy what’s going down between you and your partner. So if you need to take a few moments to decompress before you dive in? Do so.