Many times, a spouse may ignore unpleasant behavior thinking it’s a mood swing or the reaction of something bad at work. When these things go ignored, they lead up to bigger drama in the long run, which may end up hurting the relationship a lot more than if they would have been handled earlier.
The Independent spoke to a top private investigator – a former federal agent – about the obvious signs someone is cheating, as well as the lesser-known red flags, and when it is time to panic.
Tom Martin told The Independent that cheaters always follow the same patterns.
Having seen identical signs over the last 40 years, Martin, the president of Martin Investigative Services in Newport Beach, California, wrote the book Seeing Life through Private Eyes, where he lists the most telling clues that may indicate infidelity.
And while they seem pretty obvious, he says that spotting one or two of them isn’t a reason to worry. However, if you spot four or more, it is practically an admission of your partner’s guilt, according to Martin.
Noticing just one or two of the signs on the list may not mean a partner is necessarily guilty, as all relationships go through change – but “if you have three or four, you have a problem,” he told the Independent:
1. CHANGING WAYS
If your spouse always comes back home from work on time but lately they have been pushing the time further, you should take a look into it. There might even be times when he makes an excuse and does not let you join him when he goes out. If he insists on working late, bring him dinner to his office and if he is against the idea, there is something fishy going on.
2. LEAVING EARLY FOR WORK
If he is leaving for work a lot earlier than needed, this is a sign of an unfaithful partner. If they are really into you, they would want to spend as much time with you as possible.
3. LONG TRIP ABROAD
If he mentions a business trip even though you know his company’s travel budget has been going down, or if business trips are not a thing for that particular company, you have something to worry about. He might even tell you it’s against company policy to bring the spouse along.
4. NOT ATTENDING HOLIDAY EVENTS
He finds excuses not to be a part of family events. He might tell you a friend needs help to move or that he is not comfortable.
5. WORKING OVERTIME
If his paycheck is the same but his workload is increasing and he does not tell you why, this is a sign. He will also get nervous if you tell him you will visit his office.
6. SECRETIVE ACCOUNTS
He used to be open about money but now he wants a separate account. He is scooping you out of the picture slowly and does not want you to catch him spending his money on another.
7. HIDDEN BILLS AND LETTERS
There may be phone numbers he is hiding from you; he might even have another private phone. If you find one, don’t believe any excuse he makes. There is no corner of the room he should be trying to hide from you.
8. EXTRA GROOMING
Your boyfriend is purchasing expensive things to take care of himself. He may even be paying attention to those areas you never seemed to care about, like getting manicures.
9. SCENT OF ANOTHER WOMAN
If he is coming home after a long day but looks fresh and smells nice, it is not you he is wearing that for.
10. BUYING JEWELRY
If he has started wearing rings or chains first time in forever, or you see a piece of women’s jewelry that doesn’t belong to you, it is time to worry.
11. UNEXPLAINED ITEMS
If he is keeping small items like cologne or blankets safe in his car, you better ask him who they belong to.
12. HEALTH CLUB MEMBERSHIP
He has a sudden pledge to make his physique better. Going to a club may be a chance to meet new people for him.
If he hangs up a lot on your telephone calls, you should be careful of the company he might be keeping with him in that moment.
14. CODED TEXT MESSAGES
You notice that he send messages which you cannot relate to, perhaps in a coded form. Or if he is getting messages from unfamiliar numbers, keep a close watch on him.
15. LESS INTIMACY
He was the one to jump right into bed but now nothing turns him on and when you show interest, he is hesitant. And when you try talking to him about it, he might ignore you in your face.
16. EVASIVENESS AND DEFENSIVENESS
He hesitates to share information. He does not wish for you to be there in the mid day and will not act nicely when you ask him about his plans for the day.
17. OBVIOUS LIES
If your friends have seen him at a bar with someone else, and when you confront him, he would say she is a co-worker.
He gets annoyed at every little thing you ask him, even if it is about your day. His easily irritable attitude has a lot to say.
19. HATES YOUR VISITS
He does not like you popping up to his office by surprise, perhaps he is trying to keep a female employee at the office out of your sight.