There are a lot of things that we do not want to hear from our other half. Perhaps it might make us insecure or burst our ego or drive a wedge between us. The possibilities are endless. Communicating is important but saying shit is not in the rulebook. You can either keep it yourself or flush it out by writing it somewhere and then burn it. These are some things that are better left unsaid to your boyfriend.
1. You are no better than my ex
Comparing is the ultimate downfall. You cannot say that he reminds you of your ex. It will make him feel insecure and unloved. It will seem that you are still stuck in the past. Everyone is unique in their own way, comparing two people will lead you and the relationship to nowhere.
2. Leave, I will do it
No boyfriend likes to hear that. It makes him feel that he is incapable of doing things and he would better off doing something else. Dismissing them like that will make him feel unimportant and worthless. Natasha Sandy, a counsellor and therapist at YOU MATTER, says, “making someone feel worthless is harmful as it cuts to the core value of a person. It’s emotionally and spiritually violent, and it chips away at a person’s self-worth”. It is basically emotional abuse.
3. You are so silly/stupid
Name-calling, even in a joking manner is not ideal. It will make him that you are questioning his intelligence and wittiness. That he shouldn’t even try. It also makes him think that you second-guessing his opinions and advice. Don’t criticise him in any circumstance. Put out your counter opinions but don’t insult his.
4. I am fine
He is your boyfriend. You are supposed to understand each other and be on the same team. Not telling him your problems or sharing your burdens can make him feel that you are not into the relationship just as much he is. He would get a signal that maybe he is not that important in your life. So, don’t tell him fine when you are clearly not.
5. You don’t look nice
This is one of the worst things that you can ever say to your boyfriend. You should be aware that you are not with him because of his beauty but because of his personality. Firstly, he is an independent man so he can choose what to wear. But if you don’t like what he is wearing, you can tell him nicely. Being outright blunt that he doesn’t look nice is wrong. It can lower his self-esteem.
6. You are too
Calling him obsessive, exaggerating, clingy or anything else that may hurt him is totally against the rule book. You cannot let him down by saying these things when he is trying so hard to please you. Boys love a catch and they tend to try hard to get your attention when you are playing it right but saying things like that can ward him off and lose interest in you.
7. Can you afford this?
No man wants to hear this. It makes him doubt his worth. It is just shallow to call him off on his low salary and the fact that he might be trying hard to make you happy could lower his confidence. Don’t manipulate him by saying that you will love him only if he can buy this for you. It’s like you are putting up a price for yourself.
8. I am not what you want
Guys love girls who are confident. Demeaning yourself in front of him is not what you are supposed to do. If he truly wants you, he will accept you just as you are. You will be enough for him. Don’t let yourself down for anyone.
9. Shut up
Telling him to shut up or not to talk is plain rude. It shows the disrespect and immaturity in you. It gives a clear message that you don’t care what he has to stay. It also shows that you are not stable enough to have a decent relationship because of the lack of respect you show to other people. It is indecent.
10. Your parents drive me crazy
Again, mutual respect is the key. If you want him to respect your parents, you are supposed to that too. You are in a relationship, you will have to adjust and bend your ways to make room for people he cares about. Saying that his parents are crazy or make you crazy, will let him know that you don’t accept him whole-heartedly, that this relationship will reach a dead end.
11. I don’t care
Blatantly saying that you don’t care will hurt him. Think before you speak. And if you are trying to lie as not to bother him is also completely wrong. Being truthful and frank is very much essential. So, don’t say you don’t care when you probably do.
12. You should man up
Men have giant egos which get bruised easily. Telling him to “man up” or “grow some balls” may hurt him and his ego. He will think that perhaps he is not manly enough for you and that will dig a hole in his self-esteem.
13. Why can’t we be like them?
Comparing your relationship with others is a big NO. every relationship is different with its own turns and tweaks. Instead of working what you have and being thankful for it, you go on to compare him or your relationship with someone less. This will definitely make him feel worthless and completely punch his confidence.