Marriage can be one of the biggest challenges you will face in your lifetime. It is also one of the most rewarding. As wives, we make a promise to love our husband, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer. And regardless of what you may see on someones social media, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. Husbands make mistakes, but wives make mistakes too! All we can do is try to be a better wife than we were yesterday. You can’t force your husband to change. But you can always work on your mistakes, and self-improvement is contagious! Are you guilty of any of these relationship mistakes women make in their marriage?
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Not willing to compromise
Without compromise, a marriage will crash and burn every time. You can’t spend every day of your life with someone and expect to agree on everything all the time. We are built to be different. Different mindsets, standards, expectations, morals, etc. No matter what the argument may be, you have to try to find some common ground, and be able to come to a compromise on the subject. Can you imagine never getting your way? Always having to give in and do what someone else wants? No? Then you can’t expect your husband to put up with that.
Being too dramatic
No one likes a drama queen. When everything that comes out of your mouth is an exaggeration, you become more and more less credible. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. If you’re crying about every little thing, eventually something will happen that truly upsets you and no one will understand the seriousness of it. No one will see that you truly need help, or that you really are struggling because you were just as upset yesterday about something ridiculous. Sadly, once you’ve lost your credibility it’s REALLY hard to gain it back.
Pick your battles. Don’t fight over things that aren’t worth fighting for. If it’s something you won’t care about in a year from now, don’t argue about it. If it’s something that really bothers you, like your husband constantly leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, have a conversation with him about it. Try not to let your anger guide how you speak to your spouse. Let him know that it drives you crazy and that you really don’t want to start a fight over it, but you’d really appreciate it if he cuold work on being better about it.
Expecting a fairytale
Don’t expect prince charming to be laying next to you each morning when you wake up. Despite what you see on facebook every day, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. From the time we were young, we’ve been told that a prince would sweep us off our feet, and we would live happily ever after. And at first, it feels like that’s the case. But once you get married, have children, whatever it is you decide to do, you will experience some hardships. Life will get hard sometimes. You can’t expect roses and a love note every day. It’s unrealistic to expect your husband to be the perfect husband day in and day out. He has struggles too. He gets stressed. He feels like a failure sometimes.
He’s not perfect, you’re not perfect… don’t expect your marriage to be perfect.
Being too prideful
Don’t let your pride ruin your marriage. Learn when to take the blame, and to apologize. It can be hard to admit when you’re wrong. No one likes to feel guilt or shame. The best way to avoid that is to never take fault. And it works well until your whole life is in shambles and your marriage is about to crash and burn. It’s not worth being “right” if you have to lose everything that you care about.
Even if you truly feel like you’re not at fault, apologize anyway. Set an example. Show your husband that it’s okay to let go of your pride sometimes. Be vulnerable to him, so that he can be vulnerable to you.
Complaining to friends
The worst thing you can do when your marriage is struggling is to go trash talk your husband to your girlfriends who are going to give you the “you deserve better” speech. Of course, they are your friend, and they want you to be happy. But they weren’t in your shoes when your husband read his vows to you. They didn’t feel the bond you too built when he cried as you gave birth to his children. They don’t feel the love you feel for him, so you can’t expect them to be unbiased.
If you need to vent, write it down. Let him read it rather than fighting with him. If you still feel the need to talk to someone, make sure they can be objective. Maybe your mom or another woman that has been married, and understands that marriage is supposed to be hard. Talk to your bishop (or your priest.) Talk to someone who isn’t going to make your marriage worse.
Expecting 100% all the time
Everyone has their bad days. There’s no such thing as being happy all the time. If your husband comes home with an attitude, instead of ripping into him about it, figure out what happened to make him so angry. Odds are he didn’t walk through the door pissed off with the sole purpose of also putting you in a bad mood. If you were having an awful day, the last thing you would want is your husband to get on your case about your attitude, right?
Life is hard, don’t expect people to be their best 100% of the time.
Forgetting you are a wife as well as a mother
Becoming a mother is the most rewarding part of your life. There’s no success greater than that of surviving motherhood. With that being said, parenting sucks the freaking life out of you! It takes every ounce of your strength, willpower, energy to be a mother. When you give so much of yourself to your children, it’s hard to remember to save some for your husband.
Without your husband, you wouldn’t even have your children. And while he doesn’t need you to wipe his butt, he does need some of your attention. He needs your love, your affection, and your strength. Men seem to play the role of “head of the household,” but they still have weaknesses. They still need a support system, no matter how tough they come off. They feel just as we do, but they’ve been conditioned to hide it more than we have. One of the biggest strengths a man can possess is the ability to be vulnerable. Let him be vulnerable with you. It’s not healthy to hold all your emotions in until you explode. Be his release. Be his confidant. Don’t forget about him.
Forgetting to be grateful
In a world full of negativity, it’s easy to overlook the positive. When you’re angry with your husband for not putting his laundry in the basket, not answering the phone when you called three times, and not caring about what you’re upset about, you forget to be grateful. You forget that you are grateful for how great of a father he is. You forget that you are grateful for the long hours he works to feed your family. When your mind is full of so much anger and stress, there’s no room for gratitude. A great way to work on being more grateful is to keep a gratitude journal. It will improve your view on life, and your overall attitude, which will improve all your relationships, including your marriage!
Becoming overly controlling
When you’re used to running the household all day while you’re husband is at work, it can be hard to remember not to try to control him too. Whether it’s because you think you’re right, or because you have OCD, or whatever the reason may be, you can’t be your husband’s mother. He has one of those already. You are his wife. His equal. This doesn’t mean he should never listen to you. It means don’t try to control his every move. If you disagree on something, find a happy medium. Compromise.
Expecting your husband to read your mind
Regardless of how much you want to think that your husband can read your mind, they can’t. It’s easy to just expect your husband to know what’s wrong with you, and to know what you want but it’s just not realistic. If he can sense that something is wrong, and he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong, then give him credit for trying to help and tell him what’s bothering you. Don’t make him play the guessing game.
It can be hard to realize when you are constantly complaining. Especially once you have children, it’s easy to nag. There’s a lot to complain about. And you have to understand that your husband is not going to be able to parent as well as you. Just as you couldn’t do his job as well as he does. He won’t feed the baby, change a diaper, clean the house, or do the laundry as well as you. So don’t expect him to. Give him praise for trying.
If you really feel like he needs improvement, give him helpful pointers. Nagging and yelling at him is only going to make him not want to listen to you. A civil conversation will always work better than a fight. If you are always complaining and starting a fight over everything, you’re going to lose your credibility. He won’t take you seriously when there is actually something really important to you that you want to be addressed. And him not taking you seriously will result in even more fighting. Always try to talk it out first.
Being overly suspicious for no reason
Nothing is more frustrating than being repeatedly accused of something you haven’t done. Unless you have reason to be overly suspicious, then don’t. And by reason, I mean something that your husband has actually done to make have reason to have suspicions. Just because you are self-conscious and have low self-esteem, doesn’t mean he sees you the same way, and you have to be waiting for him to do something because you’re “not good enough.” You’d be surprised what flaws people will overlook when they love you. But always being accused of something you’ve never done will drive anyone mad. If you are having problems with yourself, find a way to work on that and I bet you will start feeling a lot less worried about your husband. If you need tips on how to improve your self-confidence check out this article!
Not focusing your marriage around God
If you are to follow everything that our Heavenly Father has told you to do when it comes to your marriage, you would have the perfect relationship. Your marriage would live on forever. Now, that’s not possible, but it’s a great goal. If you are actually trying everyday to be a good wife, and treat your husband as God has taught you, your marriage will be strong. And while you can’t control your husband’s faith, and love for God, you can control your own. And faith is contagious. If you are grateful, and you are hopeful, and you have love for Him, people will see it. People will want what you have. They will want your happiness. Your husband will want it too. Whether one or both of you is struggling with their faith, don’t give up. If you center your marriage around God, it will prosper.
If you aren’t religious, you should still focus on a set of morals and standards that you and your husband can both agree to. If you have different viewpoints on important things, you are bound to argue if you can’t come to a compromise that you both can adhere to.
If you are guilty of any of these relationship mistakes women make, don’t be too hard on yourself. Marriage is hard. There’s no doubt about that. But it’s worth every struggle. To be so in sync with someone is a beautiful gift that we have been given by God. Don’t take it for granted. Try every day to be a better wife than you were yesterday, and your marriage will thrive.