People commonly have a tendency to confuse love with emotional dependence. If your outlook of the day solely depends on if your love interest called you or if you cannot stop thinking about a particular person, it is not love but, instead, it is unhealthy emotional dependence.
People who do not have enough love for themselves and seek this from other people usually fall prey to toxic relationships. However, if you can identify a relationship as being toxic, there is a way out of it. Emotionally dependent people have a tendency to build their whole life around their partner and have a tendency to try to control every aspect of their partners life.
Darlene Lancer, a psychotherapist, says that it is crucial to differentiate between emotional dependence and true love. The following signs serve as a good indicator that you may entered an unhealthy relationship:
1. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing as “Love at First Sight”. A lot of people rush home after their first date, believing that they have finally found the one but usually it is not so. If you find yourself in such a situation, give yourself some time to think and comprehend the whole situation.
2. YOU THINK EVERYTHING OF YOUR PARTNER
The key to a successful relationship is to listen more than to speak. If at the start of the relationship you hear your partner saying phrases such as “I am really difficult to be around”, this clearly means that there is something about them that they are not letting you on. Apart from this, it can also mean that, deep down inside, they think that you are not the right person for them. You might be tempted to overlook these signs, as you think everything of your partner, but don’t be naive.
3. YOUR FRIENDS OVER PARTNER
Always remember that your friends were there to support you way before your partner. It is always a good idea to introduce your partner to your friends early on in the relationship, as they can give unbiased opinion about them, as their judgement is not clouded by emotions. Take it as a warning sign if your partner does not want to get acquainted with your friends or family.
4. YOUR HOBBIES ARE NOT A PRIORITY ANYMORE
Never forget about your hobbies as soon as you are in a relationship. Generally, a person with a lot of interests is more attractive, so always make sure that you do not make your whole life about your partner. Hobbies are aimed at bringing you happiness and pleasure so, if you replace them with your partner, its kind of unfair to them as you expect them to bring the same time and amount of joy to you.
5. YOU IGNORE THEIR SHORTCOMINGS
You can never justify any of your partners shortcoming based on some emotional trauma that they had when they were younger or due to family problems. You should never subside any feeling that you get just because you don’t want a confrontation. You should be comfortable enough to share anything that is making you uncomfortable with your partner.
6. YOUR PARTNERS OPINION IS EVERYTHING
The integrity of a person is determined by his stance on different things. If you feel pressured by your partner to do thing that you never thought you will ever do, then this should be enough to make you realize that this relationship might be toxic. Always stay true to yourself, regardless of what others might say.
7. JEALOUSY IS OBVIOUS
Jealousy is a real thing and it is present in almost all relationships. It is your partners duty to address these matters in a healthy manner and to reassure your trust in them. If instead of refraining from anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, your partner puts the blame of overthinking on you, then there is a high need of reassessing your relationship.
8. YOU CANNOT FUNCTION WITHOUT YOUR PARTNER
When you get into a new relationship, you want to spend all of your time with your partner. However, the time away is more valuable than you might realize initially. It allows you to clear your head and think about other stuff but thoughts such as “Where is your partner” and “Who are they with?” should not consume all of your time. It is better to address these issues seriously.
9. YOU TRY TO MAKE UP FOR THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR
It is common knowledge that your judgment might be clouded by your emotions in regards to anything a loved one does. However, you should not let this blind you in respect to what’s right and what’s wrong. For example, if you see a decline in your partners behavior soon after the relationship commences then you should sit back and think about it rather than justifying it with excuses.
10. “NO” IS NOT AN OPTION
In a healthy relationship, it is the duty of each partner to respect the wishes of their better half. If your partner forces you to go to events that are not of any interest to you or they make you and they never want to hear ‘no’ as an answer, then it is about time that you consider the dreaded question, “Is all of this worth it?”.
The best person to help you realize the presence of such sign in a relationship, and help you get out of it, is YOU! Don’t wait till its too late because, as time progresses, it becomes a lot harder to get out of toxic relationships, even if you want to at the end.